We have been learning to use detail to create pictures for the reader.
We had a choice of inspiration- a trap door, a message in a bottle and an egg.
I walked up to a seat in the corner of the classroom the ground felt shaky I thought it was my imagination but wrong a sad groan was followed along by banging noises “Come rescue me” it's ghostly voice cried.
Author Angus
The egg started to glimmer canary yellow and the other side started to sparkle apricot orange. I walk up to it I tugged it open. Some liquid started to float out. I jumped up to put my broken arm in it to stop it hurting.
Author Ryan S
Sometimes, about every month, I see a misty silhouette of my vessel, The Mary Celeste, as it slowly drifts past , looking like it’s teasing me. I am convinced it’s a mirage, But it looks very real to me. Sometimes, I stop and wonder, If I do see a ship, how will I get its attention? My thoughts stop there.
Author Liam WS
It took me deep under then I swam straight up to the surface. I was bobbing in the water. Waves kept pushing me under choking me to, but I was determined to get somewhere so I kept on swimming and swimming. Days went past while I was in the water until one day… I saw land.
Author Kali
In my hotel it was a lovely spring morning and the sun was shining and the flowers were blooming and I discovered that my mirror was a teleporter and it teleported me to a candy land and it was full of candy.
Author Emily
Kayla's trapdoor writing-filled with detail so as the reader you can't stop reading. It makes a movie in the reader's head. Kayla took on feedback and went back into her writing to make changes and enhance the quality.
It was a normal day at school until the teacher gave me a very special award. Finally the bell rung. Once I got home and put my award in the cabinet in the lounge but then I saw something.
It looked like a door so I pushed the cabinet side ways. There it was an old trapdoor that was covered in dust, I was curious. Slowly, I pulled the small bronze handle up, then a big cloud of dust blew into my face.
Carefully, I climbed down the humongous rocks “Thump!” I fell on the dirt floor. Slowly I got up, brushed myself down and checked for injuries.
I noticed one of the rocks I climbed down was glowing red I picked it up it wasn't a rock at all it was a red diamond ruby I put it inside my pocket, and kept on walking.
Suddenly I saw a lever. I thought to myself should I pull it or not? I walked over to the lever, I pulled it crash a little cart made a hole in the floor. Not knowing what was going to happen I walked over to the cart and opened the little door and and sat inside, “This will be fun” I said to myself. The cart took off I was going so fast that when I looked around all I could see was a fuzzy blur. Crash the wooden cart stopped and I flew into the sky “Ahhhhhhh!!!” I screamed.
Splash! I fall into deep water, I swam up to the surface desperate for air, where was I? Huffing and puffing I swam up to an island. I looked around to see what was here. I dashed to the other side of the island. There was a small kayak and paddles, I got into the kayak and paddled and paddled and paddled for two days straight finally I got back to dry land.
I was very very hungry so I searched the land to find something to eat. “Phew!” I found a big tree with bright red, apples hanging down from the dry brown branches. I reached as far as I could. Ohhh I couldn’t get the juicy apple, I looked around to find something I could stand on “Yes a log”. I dragged the heavy log right over to the tree stump “Bang!” It hit the ground then I stepped on top of the log I reached up to the apple “Yay!” I got it. Crunch I bit into the fruit. As I finished the bright red apple I was thinking of a plan to get back to the house.
I had a plan I just had to find the tracks of the cart I was on earlier I walked and walked trying to find the tracks suddenly I saw something in the distance, it was the cart tracks finally! I can get home “Oh no!” There was a gate that said in big bold red letters DO NOT ENTER. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a tunnel. I got down on my hands and knees and crawled through the small dirt tunnel and it lead straight where I needed to go. I slowly crawled out of the small tunnel and I was standing beside the hole that the wooden cart made.
I ran up to the rocks and climbed out of the trap door “Finally!” I'm home. running to my room I remembered I had a red diamond ruby in my pocket, I closed my bedroom door and placed the ruby in my draw. “Dinners ready!” yelled mum. “Coming!” I said as I walked to the dinner table.
Liam's writing inspired by a message in a bottle. Liam took on feedback and re-crafted his writing by adding detail for the reader.
Splash the huge wave hit the island I got soaked from my head to my toes. I made fire with two rocks by smashing them together bang went the rock. I found a yucca plant and made rope with it. I ripped the yucca plant with all my strength. Next I found a stick and tied the rope to it and went fishing. I caught a fish after I stabbed a stick into the middle of the fish the fish was flopping around until it finally died. I held it over
the fire I made. While my fish was cooking I might as well tell you the story of how I ended up on this
small boring island.
I was on the ship with the crew there was blue sky but that sky wasn't staying like that it went from ocean blue to navy black. All of a sudden huge squid like tentacles surrounded the ship it was the KRAKEN. The tentacle's grab
all the members of the crew. It felt slimy it smelled horrifying. The beast threw us overboard I could see the water getting closer then splash I was the only one that survived. I was wasted. Then I woke up I was being carried by some dolphins and they left me on the island. A pack of dolphins saved me but something wasn't right one of the dolphins was pink. It was amazing. That's the story of how I ended up on dull island. I've been here for a month now.
Well I better get busy if I want to survive I could make an axe with rope sticks and rocks. I could make a house by chopping down the tree’s. 5 hours later ok I finished my house out of wood just in time to it’s about to rain. while I was making the house I made an axe a knife out of wood and rock. I sharpened the blade on a big rock and I made a bed. Also I found a stranded boat and got some drift wood but the ship wouldn't move so I couldn't sail away. The bed was made out of sticks and wood and I used leaves to make it soft so I slept in my new house. The next day of dull island I found a crab outside my house watched it walk to the ocean. After that I made my house 2 stories and I gave it a balcony of course I needed a door to get out of so I made door shaped hole and I moved my bed upstairs. I went fishing. “Hey a bottle” I said. It's a big one and its green. Hmm maybe yeah I do I have charcoal and a leaf i'll write what happened on the leaf and put it in the bottle and send it out.
Hours later I can see it bobbing up and down I wonder where it will go. I'll tell you what I wrote.
Hello if you are reading this then you will know how to find me and save me. I'm on an island i was stranded by the KRAKEN. please help. At night find stars that are shaped like the sun there you will find the island I am on. Well the bottle is nearly out of sight it's still bobbing up and down. I wonder if it will make it to shore?.
Read some of our individual blogs to hear or read some of our stories with lots of detail.
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